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Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened.
This gives them the freedom to be creative and discover things without expectations.By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty, sorry and embarrassed about it.Threatening to tell someone else rubs salt in the wound.This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you.
Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.We often try to teach lesson to kids about life at the most inappropriate times.If a child gets hurt because they were doing something dangerous or inappropriate, they already learned their lesson.“If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment)”.You might say, “Erin, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day”.I will also give the Play Therapy based alternative with a short explanation of why it is more effective.